I heard a wonderful quote recently. "Refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Are you drinking your own poison by failing to forgive someone close to you? Is your pride/fear/ambivalence/shame preventing you from reaching out to someone you care deeply about- perhaps a long lost friend, sibling or parent? Are you sabotaging your emotional/physical health and personal relationships by clinging to past anger, hatred or resentment? Do you walk through life with the weight of the world resting on your shoulders and the sour taste of unresolved pain and regret lingering on your tongue like a bitter herb? Are the soft and tender folds of your loving heart being held captive by the iron grips of anger and resentment, like helpless prisoners of war?The only path to forgiveness is through the heart.Far too many people pass through life harboring grudges towards people close to them while the toxic waste of anger, bitterness resentment and regret flow through their veins like an infectious disease.Negative energy is contagious and infects not only the host body but also those in close proximity.Harsh words, stinging accusations, anger laden thoughts and acts of hostility and revenge inevitably lead to emotional distress and physical illness.Painful recollections of past disappointments, frustrations, unresolved conflicts, shattered dreams and desires left unfulfilled, gradually take up residence inside the heart and soul, casting dark shadows where the light used to shine and obstructing the natural flow of love, creativity, spontaneity and positive intention.The result is a dampened existence; a robotic approach to life characterized by a restricted range of motion, blocked energy flow and emotional numbness.The refusal to forgive often results in painful emotional alienation and physical estrangement.When you pass through life boggled down with negative emotion, it is impossible to hear the deepest voices of your soul and walk the path you were meant to walk.It takes much more energy to hate than it does to love.Burdened with the heavy weight of anger, hostility and regret, there is little energy left over for life's many pleasures.When you chose the path of forgiveness you allow the light back into your heart and soul.Your body is energized and the world seems brighter- colors appear more vibrant, sounds are crisper and the people around you suddenly seem more loving and kind.Most important, there are striking health benefits that result from a release of negative energy.There is empirical evidence supporting the negative effects of anger, resentment and the overall chronic stress caused by un-forgiveness, on your physical health.It is not so much the major crises in life such as fires, floods and wars that lead to debilitating health problems, rather the everyday frustrations and annoyances fueled by your own mind- petty irritants, trivial matters, negative thought patterns and the like.Illnesses such as hypertension, heart disease, cancer and stroke have been linked to these small, ongoing daily stressors.Furthermore, research on loss and bereavement indicates that when a loved one passes away, the grief process is exacerbated by conditions of alienation and estrangement.Should you find yourself floundering in the darkness and despair of un-forgiveness, try this brief visualization exercise. Close your eyes for a moment and imagine yourself at the end of your life, surrounded by your dearest friends and loved ones who have come to say goodbye.Next, imagine an empty space beside your bed where the person you are refusing to forgive might have stood.How do you feel? What happens inside your body? What are you thinking? Do you suddenly long for one final chance to make things right? Was it worth your pride and your ego to allow this person to slip out of your life? Do you wish this person were here right now, sitting on the side of your bed and holding your hand? Now, reverse the situation and imagine that you just received a telephone call, notifying you that this person has suddenly passed away.How do you feel? Remind yourself that life can change in a moment's notice, and ask yourself the following question. Are my pride and ego worth such a risk? Do I really want to continue down this path of un-forgiveness?As you explore the concept of forgiveness, it helps to understand what forgiveness does not entail.Acts of forgiveness do not condone or justify abuse, neglect, violence, bullying, victimization, or any other form of maltreatment in relationships.To forgive does not necessarily mean you must forget the past.Forgiveness only asks that you learn from the past, release the negative energy and allow yourself to heal so you can move forward with your life in positive directions and enjoy the happiness you deserve.Many times forgiveness does not require involvement with the other person at all, at least not in a physical sense.It is entirely possible, and often necessary to forgive someone in a spiritual sense.The cornerstone of forgiveness is self love and self acceptance.People who have a hard time with forgiveness are typically very hard on their own selves and tend to project their internal distress onto those closest to them.If you can manage to forgive yourself for past mistakes and accept yourself as an imperfect human being with flaws, vulnerabilities and limitations just like everyone else; it becomes much easier to offer the same level of tolerance, patience and flexibility to others.Summer is finally here; a season of gatherings, reunions and colorful festivities.If you have been shivering beneath a shadowy cloud of un-forgiveness, now is the perfect time to emerge from the dark winter of despair and make your way towards the healing light of hope and renewal.Turn your face towards the sun and allow the soothing warmth of forgiveness to work its magic.Forgive yourself and then forgive the person who is slipping away.Head for the light and capture the love and joy that you deserve.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Notes From the Couch - Forgiveness - The Perfect Gift of Light and Love
I heard a wonderful quote recently. "Refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Are you drinking your own poison by failing to forgive someone close to you? Is your pride/fear/ambivalence/shame preventing you from reaching out to someone you care deeply about- perhaps a long lost friend, sibling or parent? Are you sabotaging your emotional/physical health and personal relationships by clinging to past anger, hatred or resentment? Do you walk through life with the weight of the world resting on your shoulders and the sour taste of unresolved pain and regret lingering on your tongue like a bitter herb? Are the soft and tender folds of your loving heart being held captive by the iron grips of anger and resentment, like helpless prisoners of war?The only path to forgiveness is through the heart.Far too many people pass through life harboring grudges towards people close to them while the toxic waste of anger, bitterness resentment and regret flow through their veins like an infectious disease.Negative energy is contagious and infects not only the host body but also those in close proximity.Harsh words, stinging accusations, anger laden thoughts and acts of hostility and revenge inevitably lead to emotional distress and physical illness.Painful recollections of past disappointments, frustrations, unresolved conflicts, shattered dreams and desires left unfulfilled, gradually take up residence inside the heart and soul, casting dark shadows where the light used to shine and obstructing the natural flow of love, creativity, spontaneity and positive intention.The result is a dampened existence; a robotic approach to life characterized by a restricted range of motion, blocked energy flow and emotional numbness.The refusal to forgive often results in painful emotional alienation and physical estrangement.When you pass through life boggled down with negative emotion, it is impossible to hear the deepest voices of your soul and walk the path you were meant to walk.It takes much more energy to hate than it does to love.Burdened with the heavy weight of anger, hostility and regret, there is little energy left over for life's many pleasures.When you chose the path of forgiveness you allow the light back into your heart and soul.Your body is energized and the world seems brighter- colors appear more vibrant, sounds are crisper and the people around you suddenly seem more loving and kind.Most important, there are striking health benefits that result from a release of negative energy.There is empirical evidence supporting the negative effects of anger, resentment and the overall chronic stress caused by un-forgiveness, on your physical health.It is not so much the major crises in life such as fires, floods and wars that lead to debilitating health problems, rather the everyday frustrations and annoyances fueled by your own mind- petty irritants, trivial matters, negative thought patterns and the like.Illnesses such as hypertension, heart disease, cancer and stroke have been linked to these small, ongoing daily stressors.Furthermore, research on loss and bereavement indicates that when a loved one passes away, the grief process is exacerbated by conditions of alienation and estrangement.Should you find yourself floundering in the darkness and despair of un-forgiveness, try this brief visualization exercise. Close your eyes for a moment and imagine yourself at the end of your life, surrounded by your dearest friends and loved ones who have come to say goodbye.Next, imagine an empty space beside your bed where the person you are refusing to forgive might have stood.How do you feel? What happens inside your body? What are you thinking? Do you suddenly long for one final chance to make things right? Was it worth your pride and your ego to allow this person to slip out of your life? Do you wish this person were here right now, sitting on the side of your bed and holding your hand? Now, reverse the situation and imagine that you just received a telephone call, notifying you that this person has suddenly passed away.How do you feel? Remind yourself that life can change in a moment's notice, and ask yourself the following question. Are my pride and ego worth such a risk? Do I really want to continue down this path of un-forgiveness?As you explore the concept of forgiveness, it helps to understand what forgiveness does not entail.Acts of forgiveness do not condone or justify abuse, neglect, violence, bullying, victimization, or any other form of maltreatment in relationships.To forgive does not necessarily mean you must forget the past.Forgiveness only asks that you learn from the past, release the negative energy and allow yourself to heal so you can move forward with your life in positive directions and enjoy the happiness you deserve.Many times forgiveness does not require involvement with the other person at all, at least not in a physical sense.It is entirely possible, and often necessary to forgive someone in a spiritual sense.The cornerstone of forgiveness is self love and self acceptance.People who have a hard time with forgiveness are typically very hard on their own selves and tend to project their internal distress onto those closest to them.If you can manage to forgive yourself for past mistakes and accept yourself as an imperfect human being with flaws, vulnerabilities and limitations just like everyone else; it becomes much easier to offer the same level of tolerance, patience and flexibility to others.Summer is finally here; a season of gatherings, reunions and colorful festivities.If you have been shivering beneath a shadowy cloud of un-forgiveness, now is the perfect time to emerge from the dark winter of despair and make your way towards the healing light of hope and renewal.Turn your face towards the sun and allow the soothing warmth of forgiveness to work its magic.Forgive yourself and then forgive the person who is slipping away.Head for the light and capture the love and joy that you deserve.
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