When someone is setting you up to take something from you, they will often follow certain strategies.(Gavin Debecker describes these tactics to a "T" in his book. Gift of Fear).CHARM AND NICENESS.Ever feel obligated to buy something just because the sales people were so darn nice? They nodded with concern with everything that you had said, made friendly taps on your shoulder or arm and exaggerated all of their expressions.Some other real charmers are cult followers.If you write their personality test or accept one of their flowers or candles, they will bombard you with attention and concern.This is sometimes called "love bombing," and can be very flattering, if not annoying.Thieves, panhandlers or goons who just want to beat someone up for the fun of it, can come on very charming.They usually start out joking around before mentioning money, favors or threats.Serial killers, like Ted Bundy and George Russell were very smooth talkers.If someone who you hardly know is suddenly over-friendly, then something is up.FORCED TEAMING.This is to build rapport as if you and they are in the same boat.Phrases like "WE have to get you to your car." Or, "WE have to get you home in time for supper." Or "When are WE going?" (A good snappy comeback is, "What do you mean 'whee.' You have a mouse in your pocket?") There is an attempt to build a sort of "we're in this together" or an "us and them" attitude.Someone really trying to help you does not really care if you like them.TOO MANY DETAILS.The criminal who is intent on harming you already has a mentally rehearsed story.He or she will blurt out the whole tale, before you ask for it.It is like when school kids are late or get caught skipping school.They often have a long- winded story, to why they were late.The criminal who wants something from you, will go into many unnecessary details.Normally, people will stop and think during a conversation.The criminal goes right into his or her pitch.When I worked as store security for Sears Inc., I used to hear shoplifters tell us whole life biographies while waiting for the police.Once, after nabbing a young, well-dressed, male, shop-lifter, I listened to him explain his crime to an old white-haired police constable.As the young thief excitedly poured out his life-story, the cop closed his eyes and hung his head down towards the desk.The young thief talked on and on, trying to say all of the right things like, ".I used to get in trouble.Like, once, I was caught with a group of guys.Like we had this fight with these other guys, and like it wasn't my fault.But, now I am doing better and I really like school and my counselors." When the thief finally finished (or maybe he was just taking a breath), the old cop looked up, said that it was the biggest bunch of b.S.That he had heard in a long time and took the kid away.UNSOLICITED PROMISE.It is always weird hearing a promise from a stranger or even someone you know.It is like their word has some kind of special meaning and the world is going to stop for something that they had promised.One usually hears this from con artists or someone desperately trying to win your trust.Great promises include.."I will just stay a couple of minutes.I promise."."I promise that I'll be back with your car in a couple of days."."I'll drive you straight home.I promise.".Sometimes they attempt to maneuver you into a promise.("Hey you promised me a ride." Or "You owe me, man.").REFUSING TO TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.This is the most obvious of someone who does not care who they offend to get what they want.It may be an aggressive panhandler, a pushy telephone solicitor, an obnoxious drunk, an over-sexed date or someone trying to get into your home or car.Anyone with a shred of empathy would be concerned about offending the other person.The criminal does not.The criminal just wants to take, regardless who gets hurt.After a few no's, the asker will often make a smaller request, like "Can you at least do this?" This is a good pan handling ploy.They will ask for a dollar, then fifty cents, then a quarter.Often, they make a shaming remark like "Not even a dime? You can't even give a dime?" A good way to shut down panhandlers is to actually buy them some food and then watch their reaction.Or the stranger who wants a ride home.They make it seem like just a small favor from you and they are willing to accept, "Just a quick ride a few blocks down the road." If they are a friend of a friend of a friend, just tell them that your insurance does not cover them.A former kick-boxing trainee of mine once failed to follow this advice and she found herself fighting her way out of her own car in a night club parking lot.The fight carried on into the parking lot, until the night club security staff came to her aid.When you say "no" and do not do anything, the predator will keep pushing the limit, until he/she gets what they want.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Criminal Personalities
When someone is setting you up to take something from you, they will often follow certain strategies.(Gavin Debecker describes these tactics to a "T" in his book. Gift of Fear).CHARM AND NICENESS.Ever feel obligated to buy something just because the sales people were so darn nice? They nodded with concern with everything that you had said, made friendly taps on your shoulder or arm and exaggerated all of their expressions.Some other real charmers are cult followers.If you write their personality test or accept one of their flowers or candles, they will bombard you with attention and concern.This is sometimes called "love bombing," and can be very flattering, if not annoying.Thieves, panhandlers or goons who just want to beat someone up for the fun of it, can come on very charming.They usually start out joking around before mentioning money, favors or threats.Serial killers, like Ted Bundy and George Russell were very smooth talkers.If someone who you hardly know is suddenly over-friendly, then something is up.FORCED TEAMING.This is to build rapport as if you and they are in the same boat.Phrases like "WE have to get you to your car." Or, "WE have to get you home in time for supper." Or "When are WE going?" (A good snappy comeback is, "What do you mean 'whee.' You have a mouse in your pocket?") There is an attempt to build a sort of "we're in this together" or an "us and them" attitude.Someone really trying to help you does not really care if you like them.TOO MANY DETAILS.The criminal who is intent on harming you already has a mentally rehearsed story.He or she will blurt out the whole tale, before you ask for it.It is like when school kids are late or get caught skipping school.They often have a long- winded story, to why they were late.The criminal who wants something from you, will go into many unnecessary details.Normally, people will stop and think during a conversation.The criminal goes right into his or her pitch.When I worked as store security for Sears Inc., I used to hear shoplifters tell us whole life biographies while waiting for the police.Once, after nabbing a young, well-dressed, male, shop-lifter, I listened to him explain his crime to an old white-haired police constable.As the young thief excitedly poured out his life-story, the cop closed his eyes and hung his head down towards the desk.The young thief talked on and on, trying to say all of the right things like, ".I used to get in trouble.Like, once, I was caught with a group of guys.Like we had this fight with these other guys, and like it wasn't my fault.But, now I am doing better and I really like school and my counselors." When the thief finally finished (or maybe he was just taking a breath), the old cop looked up, said that it was the biggest bunch of b.S.That he had heard in a long time and took the kid away.UNSOLICITED PROMISE.It is always weird hearing a promise from a stranger or even someone you know.It is like their word has some kind of special meaning and the world is going to stop for something that they had promised.One usually hears this from con artists or someone desperately trying to win your trust.Great promises include.."I will just stay a couple of minutes.I promise."."I promise that I'll be back with your car in a couple of days."."I'll drive you straight home.I promise.".Sometimes they attempt to maneuver you into a promise.("Hey you promised me a ride." Or "You owe me, man.").REFUSING TO TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.This is the most obvious of someone who does not care who they offend to get what they want.It may be an aggressive panhandler, a pushy telephone solicitor, an obnoxious drunk, an over-sexed date or someone trying to get into your home or car.Anyone with a shred of empathy would be concerned about offending the other person.The criminal does not.The criminal just wants to take, regardless who gets hurt.After a few no's, the asker will often make a smaller request, like "Can you at least do this?" This is a good pan handling ploy.They will ask for a dollar, then fifty cents, then a quarter.Often, they make a shaming remark like "Not even a dime? You can't even give a dime?" A good way to shut down panhandlers is to actually buy them some food and then watch their reaction.Or the stranger who wants a ride home.They make it seem like just a small favor from you and they are willing to accept, "Just a quick ride a few blocks down the road." If they are a friend of a friend of a friend, just tell them that your insurance does not cover them.A former kick-boxing trainee of mine once failed to follow this advice and she found herself fighting her way out of her own car in a night club parking lot.The fight carried on into the parking lot, until the night club security staff came to her aid.When you say "no" and do not do anything, the predator will keep pushing the limit, until he/she gets what they want.
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