Like all emotions, anger comes and goes according to whatever is going on within and around us.When we pay attention to our anger and can use it well, it can be a gift that motivates us to do what we need to do.Anger can create powerful energy.Repressed anger can cause depression.Paying attention to a feeling and learning how to use it, are skills anyone can develop.Unfortunately, many people are taught during their early childhood not to feel anger.Many adults will shame children out of having angry feelings, which is often due to the adult's fear that a child's anger will get out of control.Sometimes it does and that is when adults have the opportunity to help children learn how to use their anger.It is important to have respect for everyone's angry feelings, including a child's.If adults can recognize and respect a child's angry feelings, they can teach the child how to use the energy of their anger to change themselves or part of the problem constructively.As adults, individuals can do this for themselves.The first step involves being open to recognizing and feeling all your feelings.We are always having feelings.If you ignore or repress one feeling, you are more than likely to repress all your feelings.One way to increase awareness of your feelings is to keep a, "Feelings Diary." This does not have to be a detailed verbal diary.It can be quick illustrations.A simple scribble or doodle to illustrate the feeling will do.Ask yourself, "If this feeling had a color, what color would it be? If this feeling had a shape, what shape would it be, if this feeling had a line, what kind of the line would it be?" Then make a quick drawing of the feeling.What it looks like is not important, it is the process and expression that are important.The process is in thinking about the feeling, visualizing it is a shape with line and color and drawing that.After doing that several times, you will become much more aware of your feelings.Once you have become more adept at recognizing your feelings, in the moment, it is time to use the energy of the emotion to make changes.Many theories have been written concerning what emotions are primary and what emotions or secondary.Some theorists believe that anger is a secondary emotion and that we often feel fear before we feel anger.That we feel threatened and a need to defend ourselves.That may be possible and that is not the concern of this article.The concern of this article is what to do with the gift of the energy of anger.Anger has been a motivating emotion for many positive changes.If the anger you feel is overwhelming, the first step would be to find someone to talk to about it.A safe person would be comfortable with your anger and validate you.Injustice is a part of life.If you have been victimized by situations or people who have been unjust, you need to be heard and your feelings need to be validated.Being heard and validated can take the flames out of the fire of anger and reduce it to hot coals, which you can use as energy.When the anger has become something that you can manage, there are many things you can do to help yourself.A good therapist can help you process and decide if a life change would be helpful.Some people find they need to go back to school, change jobs, leave a hurtful relationship, or move.Others find that getting involved in a cause or making new friends is helpful.The changes you make are up to you, and it is vital to make those changes and use the energy of your anger to see them through.Then comes forgiveness.This does not mean to change your mind about something that was done to you which was wrong.The word "forgive," can be perceived as meaning something that comes before or "fore-giving." It can mean giving to yourself what you had before the wrong was done.It also means trying not to take a wrongdoing so very personally.When you explore a situation in depth, you will often come to realize that what was done to you was not deliberately done to you.Situations are complex, people crash into one another, psychologically as well as physically, and inadvertently hurt one another.One of my favorite quotes is "Hurt people, hurt people." Sensitivity, understanding and empathy are vital to the solution.And the first person any of us must understand and empathize with is ourselves.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
The Gift of Anger
Like all emotions, anger comes and goes according to whatever is going on within and around us.When we pay attention to our anger and can use it well, it can be a gift that motivates us to do what we need to do.Anger can create powerful energy.Repressed anger can cause depression.Paying attention to a feeling and learning how to use it, are skills anyone can develop.Unfortunately, many people are taught during their early childhood not to feel anger.Many adults will shame children out of having angry feelings, which is often due to the adult's fear that a child's anger will get out of control.Sometimes it does and that is when adults have the opportunity to help children learn how to use their anger.It is important to have respect for everyone's angry feelings, including a child's.If adults can recognize and respect a child's angry feelings, they can teach the child how to use the energy of their anger to change themselves or part of the problem constructively.As adults, individuals can do this for themselves.The first step involves being open to recognizing and feeling all your feelings.We are always having feelings.If you ignore or repress one feeling, you are more than likely to repress all your feelings.One way to increase awareness of your feelings is to keep a, "Feelings Diary." This does not have to be a detailed verbal diary.It can be quick illustrations.A simple scribble or doodle to illustrate the feeling will do.Ask yourself, "If this feeling had a color, what color would it be? If this feeling had a shape, what shape would it be, if this feeling had a line, what kind of the line would it be?" Then make a quick drawing of the feeling.What it looks like is not important, it is the process and expression that are important.The process is in thinking about the feeling, visualizing it is a shape with line and color and drawing that.After doing that several times, you will become much more aware of your feelings.Once you have become more adept at recognizing your feelings, in the moment, it is time to use the energy of the emotion to make changes.Many theories have been written concerning what emotions are primary and what emotions or secondary.Some theorists believe that anger is a secondary emotion and that we often feel fear before we feel anger.That we feel threatened and a need to defend ourselves.That may be possible and that is not the concern of this article.The concern of this article is what to do with the gift of the energy of anger.Anger has been a motivating emotion for many positive changes.If the anger you feel is overwhelming, the first step would be to find someone to talk to about it.A safe person would be comfortable with your anger and validate you.Injustice is a part of life.If you have been victimized by situations or people who have been unjust, you need to be heard and your feelings need to be validated.Being heard and validated can take the flames out of the fire of anger and reduce it to hot coals, which you can use as energy.When the anger has become something that you can manage, there are many things you can do to help yourself.A good therapist can help you process and decide if a life change would be helpful.Some people find they need to go back to school, change jobs, leave a hurtful relationship, or move.Others find that getting involved in a cause or making new friends is helpful.The changes you make are up to you, and it is vital to make those changes and use the energy of your anger to see them through.Then comes forgiveness.This does not mean to change your mind about something that was done to you which was wrong.The word "forgive," can be perceived as meaning something that comes before or "fore-giving." It can mean giving to yourself what you had before the wrong was done.It also means trying not to take a wrongdoing so very personally.When you explore a situation in depth, you will often come to realize that what was done to you was not deliberately done to you.Situations are complex, people crash into one another, psychologically as well as physically, and inadvertently hurt one another.One of my favorite quotes is "Hurt people, hurt people." Sensitivity, understanding and empathy are vital to the solution.And the first person any of us must understand and empathize with is ourselves.
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