"To use fear as the friend it is, we must retrain and reprogram ourselves.We must persistently and convincingly tell ourselves that the fear is here--with its gift of energy and heightened awareness--so we can do our best and learn the most in the new situation".Peter McWilliams, Life 101 (1995).In my last months of chronic alcoholism, fear consumed my mind and ruled my world.I was fearful of people, leaving the house, driving, shopping and most of all waking up in the morning to begin another day riddled with shaking and sickness.Alcohol was my fix - it washed away all those fears and allowed me another 24 hours of relief until the next day arrived.My daily planning was revolved around gulping down the bottles I had hidden from those I loved and making sure they were replaced before the next cycle of fear and intoxication started again.After detox, I was still left with the fear of not being able to cope.How was I going to pick up the pieces of a life ruined by disease? AA saved me from another relapse into hell.I heard people talk about their disease and I knew that I was not alone and could relate to what others had been through.The steps showed me there was hope - a light at the end of a dark tunnel.With honesty, an open mind and pure willingness I did what my sponsor suggested and somewhere along the way the fear and craving for a drink was lifted.Nothing so much insures my inability to remain peaceful, serene and sane than fear without courage or hope.In recovery I have learnt that I am not only powerless over addictive substances, but powerless over other people, places and things.When I accept that totally and turn my life over to a God of my own understanding or a Higher Power, I am no longer trying to control what is going on in my life.I pray for direction in all things that I do.Fear should have no place in my mind - worrying is taken care of by God.Fears are usually founded in something that has happened in our past or a future event that might not even occur.My past I have learnt to forgive and learn from those experiences.Any fear that may still be lurking I need to deal with and let it go.Living just for today ensures me that in the face of fear, I can muster enough courage to face it now.I do not think ahead.To put a thought in my mind of what could happen tomorrow is destroying the hope of a peaceful existence.Fear, like all emotions, starts with a thought.I have to watch my thoughts as these become my actions.In turn my actions become my character.My character becomes my destiny.So I must steer away from negative thoughts and turn negative situations into possibilities.We all have character defects.These are what lead us into situations that can become fearful.So we need to recognise our shortcomings and not let them affect our thought processes.I acknowledge fear as a friend now - the most important fear being the chance of me picking up that first drink.I now have the tools to ensure that should not happen.I have choices now to accept the things I cannot change or change the things I can.It begins with changing me and loving and accepting me for who I am.Life is not easy in sobriety but prayer, meditation and giving back to others keeps the mind, body and soul in harmony.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Fear As A Friend
"To use fear as the friend it is, we must retrain and reprogram ourselves.We must persistently and convincingly tell ourselves that the fear is here--with its gift of energy and heightened awareness--so we can do our best and learn the most in the new situation".Peter McWilliams, Life 101 (1995).In my last months of chronic alcoholism, fear consumed my mind and ruled my world.I was fearful of people, leaving the house, driving, shopping and most of all waking up in the morning to begin another day riddled with shaking and sickness.Alcohol was my fix - it washed away all those fears and allowed me another 24 hours of relief until the next day arrived.My daily planning was revolved around gulping down the bottles I had hidden from those I loved and making sure they were replaced before the next cycle of fear and intoxication started again.After detox, I was still left with the fear of not being able to cope.How was I going to pick up the pieces of a life ruined by disease? AA saved me from another relapse into hell.I heard people talk about their disease and I knew that I was not alone and could relate to what others had been through.The steps showed me there was hope - a light at the end of a dark tunnel.With honesty, an open mind and pure willingness I did what my sponsor suggested and somewhere along the way the fear and craving for a drink was lifted.Nothing so much insures my inability to remain peaceful, serene and sane than fear without courage or hope.In recovery I have learnt that I am not only powerless over addictive substances, but powerless over other people, places and things.When I accept that totally and turn my life over to a God of my own understanding or a Higher Power, I am no longer trying to control what is going on in my life.I pray for direction in all things that I do.Fear should have no place in my mind - worrying is taken care of by God.Fears are usually founded in something that has happened in our past or a future event that might not even occur.My past I have learnt to forgive and learn from those experiences.Any fear that may still be lurking I need to deal with and let it go.Living just for today ensures me that in the face of fear, I can muster enough courage to face it now.I do not think ahead.To put a thought in my mind of what could happen tomorrow is destroying the hope of a peaceful existence.Fear, like all emotions, starts with a thought.I have to watch my thoughts as these become my actions.In turn my actions become my character.My character becomes my destiny.So I must steer away from negative thoughts and turn negative situations into possibilities.We all have character defects.These are what lead us into situations that can become fearful.So we need to recognise our shortcomings and not let them affect our thought processes.I acknowledge fear as a friend now - the most important fear being the chance of me picking up that first drink.I now have the tools to ensure that should not happen.I have choices now to accept the things I cannot change or change the things I can.It begins with changing me and loving and accepting me for who I am.Life is not easy in sobriety but prayer, meditation and giving back to others keeps the mind, body and soul in harmony.
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